|
Hi Alice, first of all I just wanted to say that i appreciate all the advice you have given everyone else. I learn from it. =) So now its my turn for a question. I'm 18 years old and leaving for college this week at the top and most difficult college in my state with hopes to become a doctor. I am out to both of my parents and my old soccer coach who is bisexual and one other person who i met online about 4 years ago who helped me deal with my sexuality. I have talked to this person both online and on the phone since i was 14 and she has given me advice and comfort about who I am. Recently i found out she wants to date me. She is 29 years old and does not live in the same state but is willing to move to be near me. I know the age difference seems like a lot but after 4 years we have grown close. However, i would like to go out on my own and have the freedom to date any girl i choose and experience life. This girl is very close to my heart in a friendship manner and has been with me through thick and thin as a friend. I dont think im ready to settle down like she is and dedicate the time she wants especially with my studies. How should i say no? how do i react to her broken heart but still save our friendship? What would you do? Thanks for your help.
-Court
Well, Court. I'd like to say thanks for reading. Also, thanks for coming to me for help.
First, I need to ask you a question in return. Do you not ever want to have a relationship with this woman, or do you just not want one now? Answer me that, and I'll be able to help you more. But I will give you some advice right now.
I respect and admire you so much for wanting to focus on your studies, also good luck with college =] The freedom thing is something we all yearn for, especially when you get out of the house, and you're on your own. But the thing is, while you were a mere fourteen, she was twenty-five. Yes, this is a big age difference, but now that you're of legal age, it's not so much of a big deal. The thing is, she might have fallen in love with you long, long before you knew. She is and was more than capable of that.
And the best advice I can give you, is just tell her the truth. Tell her what you told me. If you aren't ready, she, of all people, should respect that because you yourself said you have grown closer in the past four years. She obviously loves you and wants what's best for you. And currently? That is you, concentrating on your studies.
She should not remain tied down to you, and you need to bring that up with her, because if you're going to go out on your own path, she should not being tagging along, you understand what I'm saying? You need to tell her how you feel, and that you want to be friends. And also, at that point, let her know if either there is no chance, or just no chance right now.
Hopefully this gives you some insight. If I have a few more details, I might be able to help you more, but hopefully this gives you a good enough start.
Best of luck. Keep reading and writing.
-Alice
 |
Subscribe to this comment's feed