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How many times this year do you believe I'm going to be completely and utterly misguided? It's almost as though the world is simply there to taunt the emotionally intellectual. It feels as though people are the simplest and yet the most complex of all beings. If only it was easy to interpret ambiguous statements, but I guess that is what makes them ambiguous. The situation is thus wise, I like this really amazing, beautiful, talented man and he knows of this. However my predicament is that so many words have been thrown around between us, and it is so delightful to think that his interests lie with one such as myself, however some of his statements suggest a romantic interest and others a friendly interest. I have absolutely no regrets considering what transpired between us during our heavy intoxication, but am left not knowing how the other half feels. It's almost as though, for all my emotional guaging and recepting I know nothing, as one statement equals, or cancels another. My last drowning hopes of the past are fading thankfully and it brings that extra ounce of joy. Being recently introduced to many other "willing" men, I am tickled gently by the though of my moderate to lower level of sex appeal, but any esteem is not with held, it fades slowly the comments of society sink into one's head. In the presence of this man, I am almost lost, nothing matters in that happy radius. The worries, the pain and the insecurities are taken away or at least masked. It is as though joy only exists around him, humour goes to the heart, it breaks my icy core and I laugh, I genuinely feel the warmth of a chuckle in my stomach, Now for me this level of connection is not easy to come across, except when it comes to, two gifted gorgeous girls. Lucy and Ashley, my soul mates. This still begs the question, "What more can I do to prove my affection?" However he wants nothing, except myself and my personality which simply deepens the extent to which I care for him. This sounds terribly unhealthy and obsessive, however I have a heart and if emotion is obsessive and unhealthy then I must have a rare form of illness and a terrible tendancy to follow and indeed stalk another. The depth to which my feelings are true has not yet been revealed, but I am fairly certiain it runs fairy deep. My genuine non-subtle sweetness will only ever surface in the face of somebody I trully and wholly am ready to embrace and yet even in a state such as this (confusion) my head appeals to my body and logically can aptly state the true depth of how ready every part of my body is ready...again. It's as though I'm not even scared anymore, like previously stated my fear is taken, masked, destroyed in that presence. I understand that he has certain desires, and pressures of course, yet everything to him appears so simply, which makes my heart leap for: "The simplest answer is usually the correct one." Rumours cicrculating doesn't exaclty help the situation, however it is not as though they have changed anything between us. If only I knew if my heart was in the right place, if only I had the answers to these questions, the very same that have plagued mankind since the dawn of time. Modern society has merely complicated this situation, with social, relationship and sexual ethics and I am left to ponder what to do next. It would be delightful to have all the work done for me, to have the answer just present itself. But where is the challenge, relationships aren't alway's easy, but I know that if I give enough of my soul, I do believe I may be rewarded with this sweet, funny, kind, beautiful man. Braiden Dunn
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