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I’m at a cross roads. In April, I’ll turn 18. My question is what to do to get my life moving. I live with my mom and my step-dad. Last year my mom found a letter that I wrote to my therapist, in witch I confessed to being gay. While the letter wasn’t well hidden, but it did say “Do not read” on it. Yeah, that’s basically asking for trouble, but I was naive enough to trust my mom to ask me about it if she found it, without reading it. So I come home one day to find an interrogation waiting for me, and I just come clean. Well, she gave me the whole “I’ll always love you”, “It’s probably just a phase”, speech. I knew, because I had been dealing with this for 3 years already at that point, that I was not changing. However, I told her I would try. She got me into Christian / anti-gay therapy quicker than you can blink. She bought books, and books about “praying the gay away”. No matter how hard I tried to tell her, she was convinced that I could change with god’s help. I don’t even believe in god, and I knew that I couldn’t change, but I promised I would try, and I did. I read all the stupid books, and I’m still in therapy, and I’m still the same. Maybe I didn’t put my heart into it, but it’s annoying. How do people who have no idea what it’s like to be gay, or whatever you are, get the nerve to tell us that we can change? Believe it or not, none of that was my actual question. My question is how do I move on ? How can I have a boyfriend, and a mom too? I mean, I feel like I’ve been pretty darn self-less over the years. I’ve lied to protect her for the truth, and when she went snooping and found it, I did my best to change. I love my mom, but I need my life to begin. I’m tired of waiting for a relationship of my own. In high school I told myself that if I just waited, I would one day have the life I wanted. I’m a good kid. I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs or smoke, and I don’t think it’s too much to ask for a little respect for my choice. I don’t want to move out, and I can’t afford to move out, but I’ve been patient about as long as I can stand. I’m scared of having to go through life without my mom backing me up, but I’m just as scared to never be happy. Any suggestions would be great. Thanks.
If your mom DOES love you she will accept you no matter if you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Parents tend to believe everything is a phase, because a lot of things are. Orientation and gender issues are always a big blow to parents. Sometimes they just don't want to believe it. Convince your mom. Tell her you care about her and that you love her etc. because you obviously do, but just. Don't change to please her, you were born to be who you are and nothing is going to change that.
You can do this, I know you can.
Good luck. Write back if you need more advice.
-Alice
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