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The Aftermath |
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Written by Cherie
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Sunday, 04 November 2007 |
This is something I wrote a few days ago.
About 4 weeks ago someone wrote "All Fags Must Die Starting With _____,_____,My Name,_____."
As the days progressed more and more of it appeared, with more names, and the last time it was more of a command "KILL ALL FAGS"
Even though the person who did it was caught, and it turned out to be one of our own, I still can't shake this spinn it's put me into.
I'm breathing faster
My chest tightening
My heart beating at a pace I've never felt before
Sweat slipping down my face until it soaks into my shirt.
The sound in my ears, that ringing, it's so loud.
I know I made a mistake.
I told you I was sorry.
I told you I could fix it.
I told you I could be straight.
You don't believe me.
And that is why we are here today.
Everything is spinning.
I'm no longer where I was.
I can hear the rush of the river water beneath me.
My feet are dangling.
You have a hold of my hand.
Your grip threatening to let go.
I'm still apologizing.
When it comes time for you to release me to my death
The water shifts to ground and your hand to air.
I'm so scared, I can smell the urine.
It only take a few seconds for you to come into view.
You and them.
Waving those signs.
"Kill All Fags"
I'm on my hands and knees
I'm begging for you to change me.
I'm promising.
You are just shaking your head
It's too late for me.
I saw it.
and it looked cold.
and you were holding it.
My heart is jumping out of it's usual place.
It only takes one bullet for you to take away the sickness.
...............................................
I have dreams like that.
Dreams about me regretting being gay.
As if I could go back and fix it.
*Chuckle*
I'm just having a moment.
A moment when I for an instant wish I was someone else.
Hmm...
I will never fall asleep while listening to A Perfect Circle again.
I really am proud of who I am...
Sometimes it is just hard
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talkSMACK!
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