I Dont have a clue anymore! I want and love to be with her... but I'm forbidden!

One day, luck will be on your side. Do what feels right, but keep your boundries. Don't do something you might mistake.

-Alice

so my heart got me in trouble again and i don't know what to do about it this time. see ,i met this girl. she's 23 and i 20. loves star wars loves nature, hiking ect. we have the same taste in music and we basically have the same veiws on stuff, i mean, nothing too vastly different that it's unworkable. well, I asked her out on a date. and she said yes. i was really trying not to get happy and excited because things have happened to me before. but i finally let myself be vulnerable and get excited and the minute I did, she IMs me and says she doesn't want a relationship or to date and she just wants to be friends because she has to work out some personal issues with her therapist. and she just wants to be emotionally ready for a relationship. the thing is i understand and don't blame her and think she's being more mature than i would be in the same situation. but it's not that it happened, it's that this kind of thing happened AGAIN!!! every time this happens to me. this isn't even the fifth time this has happened. I'm really starting to loose faith in myself and love in general. the thing is i don't know what to do. she says she really likes me and after she gets things worked out, if neither of us have found someone else and we still feel the same way, we could start something but... i don't know if i can handle this kind of hurt one more time without just loosing faith completely and giving up. should i wait for her or forget it and just be friends? it seems like this kind of thing happens to me so often it's like life is picking on me on purpose. and now the worst part is if i ever do get in a relationship, I think I'll be too scared and paranoid of screwing up, or not being good enough, or being dumped and alone again, that i won't be able to enjoy it anyway, i just thought you could help.

I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to reply. A bit of a technical upset, but I will be writing back to everyone more regularly. 

Now hun, part of life is becoming vulnerable and falling apart. We're all only human. Life doesn't target you, no matter how much it feels so. She IS being so mature by doing this. By her doing this, she's straight up saying "I don't want to hurt you," and it's so right of you to understand. If you really like her, wait a little while. But don't you be afraid to get back in the game.

You're going to face heartbreak, it's inevitable, but that can't stop you. You need to stand up and dust yourself off and get ready for the next blow. I promise you, you will find someone soon. But don't be afraid to look somewhere you never expected. 

I can understand being paranoid and scared, but you can't let that hold you back! You need to accept and use your fear to keep going. I know it sounds like nonsense, but trust me. I know you're scared, but please trust this. Everything will be okay. Don't be afraid to fall in love. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. You'll lose more by not allowing love in than allowing love in and being hurt. 

One day, you'll find someone to heal your hurt and it'll make everything worth it. I promise you.

Good luck in all of your adventures and write back if you need more advice.

 -Alice

I’m at a cross roads. In April, I’ll turn 18. My question is what to do to get my life moving. I live with my mom and my step-dad. Last year my mom found a letter that I wrote to my therapist, in witch I confessed to being gay. While the letter wasn’t well hidden, but it did say “Do not read” on it. Yeah, that’s basically asking for trouble, but I was naive enough to trust my mom to ask me about it if she found it, without reading it. So I come home one day to find an interrogation waiting for me, and I just come clean. Well, she gave me the whole “I’ll always love you”, “It’s probably just a phase”, speech. I knew, because I had been dealing with this for 3 years already at that point, that I was not changing. However, I told her I would try. She got me into Christian / anti-gay therapy quicker than you can blink. She bought books, and books about “praying the gay away”. No matter how hard I tried to tell her, she was convinced that I could change with god’s help. I don’t even believe in god, and I knew that I couldn’t change, but I promised I would try, and I did. I read all the stupid books, and I’m still in therapy, and I’m still the same. Maybe I didn’t put my heart into it, but it’s annoying. How do people who have no idea what it’s like to be gay, or whatever you are, get the nerve to tell us that we can change? Believe it or not, none of that was my actual question. My question is how do I move on ? How can I have a boyfriend, and a mom too? I mean, I feel like I’ve been pretty darn self-less over the years. I’ve lied to protect her for the truth, and when she went snooping and found it, I did my best to change. I love my mom, but I need my life to begin. I’m tired of waiting for a relationship of my own. In high school I told myself that if I just waited, I would one day have the life I wanted. I’m a good kid. I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs or smoke, and I don’t think it’s too much to ask for a little respect for my choice. I don’t want to move out, and I can’t afford to move out, but I’ve been patient about as long as I can stand. I’m scared of having to go through life without my mom backing me up, but I’m just as scared to never be happy. Any suggestions would be great. Thanks.

If your mom DOES love you she will accept you no matter if you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Parents tend to believe everything is a phase, because a lot of things are. Orientation and gender issues are always a big blow to parents. Sometimes they just don't want to believe it. Convince your mom. Tell her you care about her and that you love her etc. because you obviously do, but just. Don't change to please her, you were born to be who you are and nothing is going to change that.

You can do this, I know you can.

Good luck. Write back if you need more advice.

-Alice