The forbidden attraction!  Everyone has one, and quite honestly if we didn’t, life might be just a bit too boring!  These situations can usually send our emotions in every which direction sending us on the rockiest emotional roller coaster ever!  Added to the chaos, they can usually get us into trouble if we’re not careful!  It seems like you know what you want and you know what you need.   What you want is your is for this girl to realize that it’s not going to happen, at least not any time soon and what you need is to be able to get this girl off your mind.  Sometimes people just don’t get it no matter how much you tell them something.  She obviously knows you’re sexually attracted to her, so she’s using that to try and manipulate you into wanting the same thing that she wants.  She may honestly believe that even though you’re saying “no”, that you will come around sooner or later.   Getting rejected by someone is always going to sting, but I find that you can soften the blow by adding that you really enjoy that person.  At least that way they know that you do enjoy their company to a certain extent.  I would start out by saying to her that you really enjoy spending time with her and chatting but you have a girlfriend who you’re happy with and want to stay faithful.  Add that you would like to stay friends with her but that it would need to strictly platonic.  If she truly cares about you, she should respect that.  Although you would ideally like to be as nice as possible, she may continue to push you into getting into a relationship with her.  Therefore, you might just have to come out and say that it’s not going to happen.  Although that is a bit forward and harsh, sometimes it’s the only way some people can truly get things through their head. 

Question submitted by: Daney Rae

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Question: Dear Alice. I'm a college-age, shy lesbian who's just relocated to a completely new town, and I have a problem. I want to make friends, and possibly even meet a new girl... but there's something holding me back; ME. I'm an extremely insecure, intraverted person who fears a lot of things in life. As lonely as I am, I keep holding myself back from meeting new people because I feel like I'm not ready. Recently I've gained a lot of weight, received a bad haircut, and just overall I feel very uncomfortable with the way I look. I know that eventually I'll get my act together and work on my appearance again, but I feel like I have to hide out until then. After all, I don't want anyone to meet me while I look this way! What should I do?

Indeed it is true. Moving to a new town at an older age can make it a lot more difficult to make friends. However, it isn't an impossible task. There are a number of options to you that you may want to explore. You mentioned that you may not be ready to venture out to new places yet. Although you may be hesitant, you should take a chance and go for it. It's quite udnerstandable how difficult it may be for someone when they feel like they're not physically "up to par" with everyone else. It is a very insecure feeling, that will make you feel like people will judge you simply based on your appearance. However, I find that, surprisingly enough, people can be a lot more open and accepting than they are given credit for. Most people are willing to be friends with somene as long as they click, get along, and have fun togehter. Only the superficial would base a friendship on appearance, and would you really want to be friends with that one person who would judge you like that anyway? What I would do is, get involved in local glbt groups and activities, so you can make gay and lesbian friends. While your friendships are developing, that's when you should work on your appearance as well. It's ok to do both simultaneously. I strongly suggest that you take this approach, for your own benefit. You are only young once, don't hold back because you're afraid of how people will react. Once you've made friends and have let your friendships develop, that may lead you to meet the person you will want to be with. Unfortunately, we do live in a world where it is a lot more difficult to meet that special person when we don't meet what sociey's standard "pretty". However, keep in mind, that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Everyone has something that is beautiful about them, whether they see it or not. No matter what that pesron looks like there is always someone who will find that person beautiful. Ultimately, have confidence in who you are. Whether you feel like your body needs improvement or not, as long as you are confident then you are one step up than a lot of other people in this world.

Question submitted by: Jess

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Question: Are there any signs that can tell you if someone likes you?

Oh the age old frustratoin of the love game! She loves me... she loves me not. It seems that everyone runs into this situation at some point in there life. Most often, more than once. So how can you tell if that special someone you have your eyes on has their eye on you? Well, there is no 100% guaranteed way to find out. However, here are some suggestions: My first suggestion would be to see if she allows you into her "personal space". We all have what could be referred to as a "bubble" around us that we don't like people to tresspass. For example, if you're talking to someone and they step too close to you, you natrually move away, if they step closer, you move away once again. However, when you like someone, that bubble disapears. It doesn't matter how close that person is to you, if they like you they'll let you in. So first, i'd try seeing if they allow you into their personal space. If they do, then great. If not, then I wouldn't push it any further at least for that day. Secondly, pay attention to their body language. Do they flirt with you? Do they find random excuses to touch you? Do they stand close to you? Do they compliment your appearance? Next, try becoming physical with them. Not sexually physical, but flirtaseously physical. Try "accidently" touching their hand, see if they quickly move away. If they don't, then that is probably a good sign. If you're not comfortable with touching them directly, place your hand very close to theirs. See if they move theirs away quickly. If they don't, that that is probably a very good sign as well. Most importantly, when we like somone we tend to ignore simple signs telling us that the other person isn't interested. I'd listen to your friend. See what she is saying. If she says anything similar to these statements then you may want to back off:

"It is so nice to have a male/female friend who is just a friend."

"I really like this guy/girl from work, we went out last night...."

"There is a new guy/girl at school who I am really interested in. Can you give me some advice on striking up a conversation?"

"I'm so glad we can just be friends without getting physically involved, I see so many friendships ruined because they crossed that boundary."

"I have a friend who I'de like to set you up with, you guys would get along so well!"

You may also want to ask the person directly, although that can be nerve racking sometimes. Ultimately, you have to be the one to decide on how to go about figuring out whether this person likes you or not. Each person is different, and each person distributes their behavior differntly when they're attracted to someone. Hopefully, this will point you in the right direction on where to go from here!

Thanks,

Alice

 Question submitted by: Tiffany