Hey everyone, I need to let you in on a few things.

First off, seeing as I am a member of the outsmack site, I'm very sorry that your pictures are NOT working! It's VERY frustrating I know, but I'm talkin' to the head honchos and trying to fix it!

Secondly, to everyone who's questions were only recently answered/never answered I'm so so sorry! There has been a major technical spasm in the system, as it's been showing now in your pictures. Finally I've realized that it hasn't been that no one's been writing in, it's that I haven't been looking in the right spots.

But reassurance! I'm back! I'll be checking every night and hopefully everything will be published by the next day, so please feel free to write in!

Also, within the next week or so, I'll be relieved of all extra weight and I won't have anything blocking my schedule, aside from normal "Ask Alice!" things ~giggles~ This weekend I will be out of town, but I shall be bringing my computer with me. Feel free to ask for advice, I'll be ready and willing to answer your questions.

Hang in there guys! Love you all very very much! You're all my hero in some way.
 

-Alice 

Lately my mom has been really trying to sort of force me into being a girl. I dress like a guy and feel like a guy and feel much more comfortable that way because I know it's who I am. My mother however tries to change me and get me girly things like I'm just going through a phase or something. It really frustrates me. I've talked to her and tried to get her to understand, but she just doesn't listen. I know she's really afraid she's losing her "little girl" and I don't think she'll ever get over that fear. What should I do?

Well that's quite a pickle, I will admit. Now, if you think you're transgender, that's a scary thing. By this I mean, accepting it, and transitioning is scary, being transgender is not. I bet anything your mom does care about you, but sometimes they're just afraid of what could happen to you.

When you say "she just doesn't listen," I think you're mistaken. I know, you probably hate being told you're wrong. I never said that, please bear with me a bit longer. I think your mother is listening, I just think it's hard for her to think of her "baby girl" as her "baby boy."

What you need to do is just keep talking to her. Let her know how it feels to be you. Let her know how much it hurts when she pressures you to be someone you're not. I know it's frustrating, trust me, but you need to work at it. I know someone who had the hardest time coming out to his/her parents as trans, but once he/she did they were relieved. It's scary, and hard, and just so aggrivating that you just want to scream at them and freak out. If it comes to that, just breathe.

Cliche, I know, but it's what you need. Go for a walk, anything. Just calm down, and continue to talk to her. If this is who you are. If this is how you feel. If your mother loves you, she will understand. That doesn't mean she'll do everything you want her to, but she'll at least try. Give her some time. Try again.

You can't give up on this, you need to continue to show her who you were born to be.

Good luck, and write back if you need more help. Lots of love,

-Alice

hey, i fell in love w/ my best friend a bout a year a go, and it pains me daily. I for some stupid reason told her how i felt las summer..yeah i got entirely shot down and i know she cares but she just a said "well i love u too"...in like a sisterly love kinda way by her tone and i specified...idk. its just hard to live w/ because, well i live w/ her family. so its difficult for me to move on and im just not sure how to. and i mean is kinda good it hasn't effected out friendship, considering i think she totally blocked it out and doesn't remember what so ever.idk. its just hard for me to move on. and i want to be in a relationship, but i'm scared that i wont be fair to someone f they have feelings for me...what if i don't for them because im still stuck on her.I've tried everything but i just don't know what to do. oh and my other best friend is in love w/ me, and its just really complicated. anyway i just feel like i'm caught up in this web of confusion and feelings and i just don't know what to do anymore, and being an insomniac, this really doesn't help. and because of all this +my living arrangements i feel like i cant be open about my sexuality, and keeping it in is killing me.please help me if u can?

Well first off, I'd like to applaud you on your maturity with the situation. I can't say that I know what you're going through, but I do understand that it is a very hard thing to deal with. It's very smart of you to not get into a relationship with someone while you still have feelings for someone else. I know it hurts to be shot down, and I can't imagine how awkward it must be for you, but you have to let it go. Loving someone is hard, especially if they don't love you back in the way you want.

I recommend finding something to get your mind off of this girl. Something PRODUCTIVE, mind you. It's going to be hard, I will promise you that. But it'll be better in the long run. As for your best friend having feelings for you, that is in fact a pickle. You're going to need to tell them the truth. As much as it hurt you, and as much as it's going to hurt them, if it wasn't meant to be, it's not meant to be. I know you're caught up now, but it will get better. Everything will even out and resolve itself.

I know it's cliche advice, but it's the truth. And even though you feel constricted by your living arrangements, you need to be true to yourself. I don't mean flaunt it all of the time, because that might not be best. But you can't keep it inside. And with the "power" of the internet, you can find someone to confide in. Even if it's just me.

Hope this helps a little bit, and good luck. Come back if you need more advice.

-Alice

Ok so my ex-boyfriend was cheating on me for some one else and then left me. I then got together with my best friend DJ(Megan) and I can really tell she loves me. Now my ex came crawling back and is claiming he needs me and if I don't take him back he's going to kill himself. I don't want to leave my girlfriend at all but I don't want him to be too torn up about it. How do I get him to just stay my friend and quit begging me?

You really need to just talk to him. Tell him that you do care about him, but his chance has expired. Also tell him not to be so drastic. You're only so young! We all have so much life left to live!! 

Stay with your girlfriend. Your ex-boyfriend did, in fact, cheat on you. Stay with DJ. Talk to your ex. Make him understand what happened.

You would be being unfair to your girlfriend. He needs to understand his mistakes. Trust me.

Hope this helps. Write back if you need more advice.

-Alice

I am 16. The love of my life is 23. Help! We have been "together" without being "dating" for 2 years. I feel a really strong emotional connection with her that I just can't feel with anyone else. We are not having sex, and do not plan to put the "dating" title to our relationship until I am 17, of legal age. The family seemed to like her a lot, until they found out the way I feel about her, then my mom promptly tried to throw her in jail for child molestation. Obviously, no evidence was found, and the case was null and void. Normally, I would never go for someone so much older than me, but the moment I saw her, I just knew I couldn't continue on without her in my life, and fate has dealt us some very favorable hands. When we first met, I was with someone, and she was engaged to be married. A year later (though my thoughts of her hadn't subsided, we didn't get phone numbers or anything and had not talked at all) I ran into her again. As it happened, we had both ridden ourselves of relationships and realized the wonderful thing that could lie ahead. Society has been very rude to her about the situation, to say the least, and my mom still does not let me see her. (I do anyway, but keeping up the secrecy has gotten tedious.) In 4 months, I can legally move out with her, and no one can tell us anything, but the issue lies with my family. My mom has gotten psychotic over the years, abused drugs and alcohol, and literally told me I was the devil. But I still love her. She is my mother, after all. I don't know how she will react to this. And my love has told me she wants nothing to do with my family when we are together. I can understand why, but it's still not what I want. And my mom tells me I can be with/talk to anyone I want when I turn 17, if I am still living with her, but I never know what's going to happen to that decision, due to the drugs. I know 4 months will go by rather quickly, and I have no idea what I sould do. ANY advice from ANYONE would be very helpful.

As much as I do agree with the saying "Age is nothing but a number," you have to draw the line somewhere while you are still a minor. 

I know you understand the concept of the law, as you have stated. Your mother is not thinking clearly. Her thought process is being fogged with this substance abuse.

In four months, you will be able to make your own choices. The age difference is okay. It really is. While we're this young, it seems a lot, but one day it won't. Don't forget that. Talk to your love. Talk to her about your family and how you feel about them etc. If she really loves you, she might make the occasional exception. And if your family loves you, they will understand how she makes you feel. 

Talking always helps. But be smart when you discuss these things, don't become irrational. The things your mother says aren't coming from your mother, remember that. You have time still. Don't get so caught up in relationships. Stay with her, yes. But live the life you have now, and when the time comes, act.

Write if you need more. Good luck.

-Alice