ok a couple months ago a girl i think i might have loved moved to another state and while i dont think about that often anymore i still feel like crying when i see a picture of her so im wondering if im really over her or just trying to fool myself

Just because you aren't in love with her doesn't mean you don't still love her. I'm sure that you will always love her...
But maybe you won't be in love with her.

I hope that helps. 

-Alice

Alice, thank you so much for your advice. This issue has been going on for a while and I have tried every method that I could conjure up. To answer your question, I am confused about whether or not I am interested in a future relationship. It is definitely a possibility, however, if i meet the right woman I do not want to give her hope. I have explained to her my need for time, freedom, and life experience. She accepts my request but never seems to keep the same mindset about it. One day she wants to be friends. The next friends with benefits. A week later, its either she dates me or cant stand to be around me because it hurts her to see me want to date other women. Ive tried to explain to her how i feel and how we are at different points in our lives but she refuses to accept it. Its true that age is just a number, and our personalities are compatable, but our experience is far different. I have told her repeatidly not to wait for me. And when she says she cant talk to me because of the pain, I accept her decision and tell her i'll alway be there for her, and eventually she comes back and the cycle begins again. I really love her as a friend, but thats all i want right now. But she cant stand to be just friends even though we have been friends for the past four years. I do think you're right however about her falling in love with me while i was still underage. I just dont want this cycle to continue for the rest of my life. She truely does mean a lot to me and we help each other with more than just our sexual preference. I just dont want to lose one of my best friends. And i apologize that this situation is so complex. haha. I don't expect you to have "the" answer but its nice to have someone else to ask advice besides the woman who i can talk to about anything but this.

Thanks again,

Court

If you want the cycle to end, you might just have to give up a good friend. I know that it's a hard thing to even think about, but if you want to give her a chance to fall in love with someone else, you might have to cut all ties with her. 

She seems to be between a rock and a hard place, as do you.
But as I thought Julia Nunes' lyrics said "we've only got a friend to loose, it sucks it had to be with you."

Hope that helps

Best of luck

-Alice

Hi Alice, first of all I just wanted to say that i appreciate all the advice you have given everyone else. I learn from it. =) So now its my turn for a question. I'm 18 years old and leaving for college this week at the top and most difficult college in my state with hopes to become a doctor. I am out to both of my parents and my old soccer coach who is bisexual and one other person who i met online about 4 years ago who helped me deal with my sexuality. I have talked to this person both online and on the phone since i was 14 and she has given me advice and comfort about who I am. Recently i found out she wants to date me. She is 29 years old and does not live in the same state but is willing to move to be near me. I know the age difference seems like a lot but after 4 years we have grown close. However, i would like to go out on my own and have the freedom to date any girl i choose and experience life. This girl is very close to my heart in a friendship manner and has been with me through thick and thin as a friend. I dont think im ready to settle down like she is and dedicate the time she wants especially with my studies. How should i say no? how do i react to her broken heart but still save our friendship? What would you do? Thanks for your help.

-Court

Well, Court. I'd like to say thanks for reading. Also, thanks for coming to me for help.

First, I need to ask you a question in return. Do you not ever want to have a relationship with this woman, or do you just not want one now? Answer me that, and I'll be able to help you more. But I will give you some advice right now.

I respect and admire you so much for wanting to focus on your studies, also good luck with college =] The freedom thing is something we all yearn for, especially when you get out of the house, and you're on your own. But the thing is, while you were a mere fourteen, she was twenty-five. Yes, this is a big age difference, but now that you're of legal age, it's not so much of a big deal. The thing is, she might have fallen in love with you long, long before you knew. She is and was more than capable of that.

And the best advice I can give you, is just tell her the truth. Tell her what you told me. If you aren't ready, she, of all people, should respect that because you yourself said you have grown closer in the past four years. She obviously loves you and wants what's best for you. And currently? That is you, concentrating on your studies. 

She should not remain tied down to you, and you need to bring that up with her, because if you're going to go out on your own path, she should not being tagging along, you understand what I'm saying? You need to tell her how you feel, and that you want to be friends. And also, at that point, let her know if either there is no chance, or just no chance right now. 

Hopefully this gives you some insight. If I have a few more details, I might be able to help you more, but hopefully this gives you a good enough start. 

Best of luck. Keep reading and writing.

-Alice

I have a bit of a potential problem that's been absolutely driving me insane lately. Both my boyfriend and I (we're both 18) are going to the same college next year, and he's trying to think of ways to pay for college. He and his mom don't have the best financial situation by the way... The thing is that he's mentioned very briefly a few times in the past that he's thought of maybe going in to porn or stripping to help pay for college. I personally don't believe that either of these are "immoral", but I really don't like the idea of him going in to either one, and I've told him that before. I'm worried about him, but I'm more worried about how that would affect our relationship. I love him very much, and he really loves me too, and this is about the only real potential danger to our relationship that I can see. I should stress that we never really talk about this at all, and when it comes up it's very brief. I might be making sound bigger than it is at the moment just because I've been thinking about it so much. I guess you could say that I'm in a perpetual cycle of "what if...". He's also not in the mind set of "I'm definitely going to do this", he's also considering other things. I'm also not the type of guy who tells people what to do. I'm the type who goes with the flow. I've even told him that I really don't want him to do either one, but only he can make that decision. I'm so afraid of this one thing ruining something that is so good. What do I do?

You're so very smart for questioning things. Maybe not EVERYTHING should be questioned, but things like this are very scary, and confusing. Asking for help was a good idea. 
The real question is, "Does he really want to do this? Or is he pinned against the ropes?" so to speak. I think the best thing you could do for your boy is to help him search for a way to find an aid in this financial situation.
This is a really hard posisition to be in, for both you and your boyfriend. Look for other ways, and tell him how you feel. 

Other than that, I don't know what else I can tell you. Write back if you need more.

Good luck!

-Alice