well its getting harder to keep the smile on my mask, i want to let it drop and show everyone that i am in pain at their words, and how they think i am distant to them, when its them being distant to me. i'm leaving this town soon for a better life, one where i can start over and never put up a mask. a place where i can finally be free. its all i've wanted for a long time, but everywhere i went i was haunted by a shadow of who i once was, always expected to be that person. i guess this is the feeling you get when you learn that what you have done your entire life was just to build an image of yourself to blind the people with. they still can't see that a relationship that had kept me from going suicidal and gave me a reason to live is now over, all because they see the image and can't see past it and nothing can be wrong with me because what they really see doesn't fit that image. why can't they just for one day look at me and see that i do have problems, that i am not who i once was, how close i am to the edge again. will they ever see it i wonder?