I feel really good haha. I came out to my good friend kate today at six flags great escape in the wave pool. I was talking with ann like should i tell her now and she was like if you want and kate was all "tell me what?"
I turned and just said "tell you that im trans"
she was shocked but now she has outsmack! yeah add her:
http://outsmack.com/juggalettekkm
hoping to come out to my mom soon. rawr we'll see.
Yeah there didn't seem to be anywhere else to put this, so.. sorry I haven't been here for a while, I was moving and figuring out my future..
I'm in Washington now living with my aunt, which is great cause she's supportive and everything my mom's not (like supportive...)
I've pretty much decided that I'm not going to go to UC San Diego, but a local community college instead, and then transfer after 1 or 2 years. Basically, it's waaay too expensive for me to afford, my parents would be paying for it or at least lending me money, which means they have complete control over me, which means I wouldn't be able to start hormones for at least 4 years, which means that when I graduated from uni I would probably not go to grad school at least right away...
Anyway, this way I'll probably be starting hormones when I turn 18 which is just a few months away! I'm excited.. though it's a bit disappointing not to be going to the uni I wanted to.
I've got to go sometime this week to register in person so I can start school as male :D It should be interesting, I hope they've had transgender people before, I'm nervous :P
Hey everyone, my name is Brittany. I'm 19 years old and I'm from the Boston area. I am really funny and really fun, I am easily amused, I'm a great listener and an awesome friend. Simple things make me happy and I'd love to meet some nice people on here =) Talk to me?
a puffy dark black cloud hangs over my head; taunting me. the cloud seems to get darker and heavier with every single thing that goes wrong. i'm afraid, that when it decides to unleash itself upon me, i just might die. It roars with a clash, and a flash of lighting strikes in front of me; and then another. getting closer and closer. with another clash, and another raor, the cloud busts open. tear shapped drops fall from the cloud. the rain sears as it pels my skin. the blond of my hair washes away, tuning into a pale yellow liquid that cascades down my body. the tan of my skin begins to mix in. the black of my shirt,remains constant, like a house standing against a slight breeze. it doesn't take me long to realize my colors are washing away. i'm becomin more vaulnerable by the second. my colors, my shield are detiorating to nohing more than a swirling multicolored puddle eneath my feet. i now see the color fading from my legs. it's a strange sensation to see the blue, and the white turn to liquid and drizzle down my body. i'm now trying to fiure out what's happening to me. i think i should feel angry, but i don't. i think i should feel upset, but i don't. now, considering that, i am calling it. time of death, 1:58. i am dead. my color's almost gone. i feel so empty, so naked. why did this happen? what caused this cloud to begin forming over my head? the answer to both of these questions is simple. . .you. you broke my heart, depressed me, and now, you have killed me; i am loseing myself. I am colorless from my head to my feat. i feel a wave of emptyness as the last bit of color leave me. the inner emo-writer begins to take over. i find myself repeating 'the hues of yellow and blue have peeled away; the shades of black and grey are here to stay' as i drudge around like a mindless zombie. this, is the point of pure depression. you have killed me.
I got kicked out of my dads house so now i live with my mum. and my best friend told me that she didnt want to be my friend any more because of everything thats going on. and yeah. i dont know. im totally hurt and confused over everything.. and then my GF Lisa (R.I.P) her ex messaged me and everything... i dunno what to do about that.. but yeah.. any ways.. and yeah i guess everything is happening so fast.. since i dont live with my dad any more i dont have net on an every day basis. but yeah. im just so flustered i never get to talk to any of my friends any more due to living in Everett now. but hoping some people will start calling me. school starts September 3rd. and my 17th birthday is September 6th. and honestly i miss my Girl Lisa so much.. nobody knows what it feels like to lose someone that close to you.. my older sister is preg. again with her second child.. yeah. well thats my updates since im never on here. sorry people. but i miss you all. message me or call me. 425-760-4843. leave a message if i dont answer..
my god yesterday was quite the day. it goes like this: i went to a music and arts festival called bele chere in downtown asheville (pretty much the gay capital of north carolina) with my friend rachel. nothing really too exciting happened until the end:
there was a man standing in the street with a big sign on his body that said, "Turn to Jesus!", something about sin, and in bold letters HOMO crossed out. this man basically said that if you weren't white, male, christian and straight, you were going to hell. but he had a particular liking to bashing gays.
he was standing a few feet in front of me, looking at me, saying "homosexuality is a choice, you're not born that way, it's a sin, and god hates it!" i look back at him, and not knowing what quite took over me, i raise my arms into the air and scream, "GAY PRIDE!" as loud as i could. many in the crowd that gathered around him cheered with me. it was such a liberating exeperience, so full of energy...
then a lady, who was a bit drunk, got everyone to start cheering, "God loves everybody!" i joined in, even though i don't believe in a god, but it felt right. he could do nothing but stand there and wait for us to stop. i shook her hand, but i never got her name. later on, the police escorted this guy out because he elbowed this woman on purpose when it got so crowded he couldn't move.
then an old lesbian couple, their arms around each other, starting cheering too. they said to rachel and me and a few others around us, "We're from the 60's, and we're here to fuck with this guy!" and mockingly they said to each other, "we're going to hell, baby!" and started kissing. i wanted to talk to them, they being well into their 50's at least...
nothing felt so much better than to be a part of that, to be cheering with these people who i never met, but we all had one thing in common that was enough to bring us together in some unspoken bond: pride.
this has inspired rachel and i to organize a gay pride march here in boone. and i really want to do it.
So I came out to my now exboyfriend Alex and he seems fine with it. The only thing that kinda set me off was this comment:
" Mememe: you're not mad that i didnt tell you earlier?
Himhimhim: not really. It'd be one thing if we'd had sex or something but so long as we were still in the kissing and holding hands stage I don't care"
So like. Oh well at least he doesn't like hate me. =D All is well.
My friend is staying here for a bit so if you don't see me I'm not dead. Just to let y'all know.
So I'm single. My boyfriend broke up with me for reasons he didn't tell me and he sounded mad depressed. So Now I'm hella worried and I hope to god he didn't do anything stupid. I don't feel like going to another funeral especially for him. I'd probably ...I dunno. Die. It would be too much to deal with. Christ.
Anyways yeah. Life moves on I have no problem with being single. In fact I happen to be crushing on someone. I get to see this person soon and it makes me happy.
You know what I want? I want someone to date, that will want to cuddle, hold my hand, steal my clothes, wear them out in public. I want to be a boy who makes him or her happy. Make sure I can be there for him or her. I'd feel so much better. In my last relationship I wasn't playing as masculine of a role as I wanted which made it awkward. But he was a nice boy, a super nice boy and whoever he dates next is lucky to have him.
Anyways yeah I just had to get this all out. Yepyep. OutSMACK is amazing. =D I love you all.
