Hi, yeah, so, I need some advice. there's this guy that I'm REALLY in love with, more than anybody else, you get the picture. anyway, I REALLY need to tell him how I feel about him, I'm not sure if I can take it much longer. ok, here are some more details on why I need advice. First and most importantly, he's my best friend, and I would NEVER want to loose him. he already knows I'm gay, and he's ok with that, I've made sure of that detail. here the thing, one day just the 2 of us were sitting in the hall and I asked him what he thought of gay people, he said that he's known a couple in his life, and they've been nice to him and whatnot. But then he said "I like them if they keep they're distance" which was a real let down because this was back to when I didnt know if he was gay or not. See, I thought he might have been gay because he was playing around when we were alone, like for example we would be talking and all of a sudden he'd do something like put his arm around me, then take it away really quick and start laughing saying things like "freaked you out didnt you?" and so I thought he was just really nervous about it, and was just warming up to being himself. boy was I wrong. see, this is also the person that made me feel comfortable with who i am. before him I was EXTREMEMLY self consious, and was soooo careful about everything I did (when given a choice for colours, I always picked either blue, green, or black, nothing else, even things like skittles, or jelly beans, cuase I was afriad that someone would take it the "wrong way" if they saw me eating a red one, eah I was scared) anyway, he made me feel safe, and I thought that he would be the one I could truly be happy with. I just love him soooo much, and I have since I met him. another point is that once I realized he was straight, I was heartbroken, but I still loved him just as much. I thought of what people say after a kid finds a bug or a frog and wants to keep it in a jar forever, and I decided that if I truly loved him that I'd want to make him happy, and I tried to find out what that would be. I later found out that my other best friend (who is a girl) liked my best friend (the guy I love) and so she asked me to ask him about what he thought of her (you can tell where this is going) and so I did and he liked her too, so I thought that would make him happy, so I helped them get together, and it was ok for a while, but then it just got REALLY worse. It was ok for the first month or so, but then it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I was swarmmed by the immages of them holding hands while walking home from school, or hwen us 3 went downtown, and basically everywhere else where I saw them. and everyday after school, they just had to kiss goodbye, while I was standing right there, my heart almost exploding, everytime, and then there was this Cancer event thing at my school (Relay for Life, not sure if you've heard of it or not, but it involves staying up all night. Anyway, so there they were in the tent, sleeping, (dont worry, the clothes were still on thank god
) but yeah, they were in there for a few hours (maybe about 4-5) and they were having a good time being pretty much inside each other lol. (you get the picture) any way, enough of me ranting about that topic as my happiness level plumits with each word. Yeah, so they both know I'm gay, and she knows how much I love him and she's ok with it, and she has actually *almost* been crying saying how sorry she is that she "stole" him from me, when she didnt, and I also told her that I was the one that made their relationship happen. and so, in the end, I dont know what to do, I need to tell him that I love him more than the stars at night, or more than the summer's gentle breeze, you know. But at the same time, I just dont want to lose my best friend, I'm thinking that it's ok for him to know I'm gay, but that might put him off the deep end. Also, he's going through some things, and I've often had to stay up until 2AM on MSN talking to him, you know, just being someone that can listen. I want to tell him tha tI love him, because naturally when someone you love is feeling down (like, really bad) you want to ake them happy and to let them know that you're there, and that you love them, but I cant. I just feel like I need just that one time to hug him, just once, to tell him that I love him, and to have it so that he knows. Eveyrtime I even think about him when I'm alone, I start to cry because I love him so much that I'm not even concidered love anymore lol, it's something more. anyway, I've probably wasted enough of your time. I just need some advice, what should I do?
